How much do you love what you do?

Hey Y'all!
That title is SUCH a loaded question these days. How much do you love what you do?

Mic drop... silence... uncomfortable silence... where do we go from here.....

This weekend I was confronted with a Facebook post from Kim over at Kindergals. The picture said something like "can you love your job, but hate going back to work on Monday?" And I realized something, I don't like to share the bad or the ugly. And the fug-ly, well you are NEVER going to see that. So what happens, why am I even talking about this?

This whole thing actually started on instagram with someone being suzie sunshine and posting about being super stoked about going back to work after the break. And a teacher feeling guilty because she was having a rough year and didn't really want to go back to work after the break, asked if something was wrong with her.

Wait! Hold the phone... my jaw hit the floor! How on earth could a teacher ask if something was wrong with her/ him because she/ he wasn't feeling warm fuzzies about going back to work after a holiday!! And I began to worry that being positive and never shown the bad or ugly... or heaven help us the fug-ly... was setting someone up with misconceptions.

Y'all, I wish that I could transport you into my classroom and see all the imperfections (just look at that table- glad you can't see under it!). I wish that I could put you inside my thoughts to see all that I hid from. If I wasn't so scared that my blog posts weren't up to par then I would blog more! Yep... there I said it! And the same is true with my TPT products. I make TONS of things for my kids, but I don't have the understanding of how to link in a PDF to fulfill some artists TOU. So instead of putting out something that might be useful, I keep it to myself. Yep, really. I've been working on sentence builders and readers since early December for the month of January. We are using them in my room, but I can't get them "sparkly" enough to feel like they would work on TPT.

This is EXACTLY how this teacher was feeling!! She had "that" class this year and didn't want to go back and face starting over. I've been there. I've walked those same steps! I've cried in the school parking lot and made myself sick Sunday night with anticipation of the week to come. That year for me, the one which would drive most teachers out of the classroom, happened about 5 years ago. And if I told you how horrible it was, you wouldn't believe me! I promise the stories sound made up, but they are real. And that year we had 3 principals (one changed schools right before school started, one left in January due to health concerns, and we ended the year with a temporary/ sub principal). Cross my heart, I am not making this up.

But that year was also a game changer for me. I learned who I could really lean on. I mean those teachers or family or friends who were going to be there when the bottom dropped out. I also learned that I am a lot better than I thought. Yea I kind of got my swagger that year. ;) Not gonna lie, it was rough... you would have to call it a fug-ly year. Maybe even fug-ly times 10! Yea, good times. Thinking back, I wouldn't give up that year for ANYTHING! That year grew me.

So I asked, how much do you love what you do? Me, I can't picture myself doing anything other than teaching. This job is hard, and this school year falls into the bad side- at least the first part does. But I know what these years mean, look for the lesson. It's there. What am I supposed to learn? What things are growing in my teaching? What is "wrong" that needs to be changed? (not bad wrong but more of a not working wrong- like you are never going to make a square block fit into a round hole kind of wrong) Once I start looking for the questions, the answers usually follow quickly.

What does that mean for those who are struggling? Here is what I think. I think that you should never feel guilty about not wanting to be subjected to something that is negative. I know what that is like and it's part of the reason that I don't "vent" here (or I try not to). But I don't want anyone to ever think it's all roses over here. There are days that I have to channel my inner Steward Smalley (of SNL fame).

So bottom line... I think you can love what you do but dread Monday.  I think that you can be going through a horrible year but still love teaching. I think that if we are not careful we can create a situation where we are not real. I'm not saying complain or whine or vent all the time. But be real. Realize that others are watching, others don't see the bad or ugly. They see this polished and "media" ready classroom. They are not necessarily seeing the kid that is picking his nose and wiping it on the child next to him. Yep that happened today... right in the middle of a writing lesson and I lost EVERY child to the point that starting over was the only way to get everyone back on track. So a little GoNoodle and we are back at our lesson. That my friends is the real world, and it happens behind all the beautifully staged photos and planned blog posts or Instagram pictures. And I have decided to be ok with sharing that... my real world. I hope that you keep it real with me.

0

what worked: classroom managment

Classroom management is something that seems to be a roller coaster ride for so many people that I have worked with. And honestly it was not always something that I would call easy. I spent years reading and studying different classroom management techniques. They all seemed so easy, yet I would finish a book with so many questions and no one to ask them too. It was very frustrating but I kept plugging away.

Then I moved to a school that was unlike anything I had ever taught in. I have always worked in Title 1 schools but this title 1 school was very different. The reputation of the building was not stellar, as a matter of fact it was known as a behavior problem school. It boasted the highest suspension of all the elementary schools, lowest test scores, and highest teacher turn over the the DISTRICT! (read that as no one EVER chose to go there and the teachers there were looked down on) I remember inservice as if it was yesterday. Our dean of discipline said "we need to do thing differently. we have to change who we are and how we love the kids or nothing is ever going to get done."

First our dean of discipline is one of the most amazing men I have ever worked with! Talk about a LOVE for the children of the school. Second those words rang in my ears for days. I just couldn't figure out what on earth I needed to do differently. I had done clip charts, flipping cards, collecting tickets. I really felt lost. I sat down on the Friday before school started in his office and cried. I told him that I was fearful of the reputation of the school and that I didn't know what he meant about doing things differently.  He sat quietly beside me and asked "why did you become a teacher?"

My answer that day is the same today... because I love working with children. I love seeing them become who they are supposed to be. I love being part of the light bulb moments. I love seeing the whole child grow. I know that many of you reading this feel the same way! That afternoon conversation started me on a path to where I am now.

My students that year tested me in ways that I never could imagine. I loved everyone of those littles and ALL of the lessons they taught me about classroom management. That year I got rid of the clip charts and the flip charts and the well everything. I tossed it all out. I started working on building positive behavior patterns through praise. YEP! If I had my way we would not have ANY visible behavior system.

Behavior in my room is taught through positive praise and reinforcement. So lets say that we are learning how to sit at the carpet. In my pocket or small bowl within hands reach would be goldfish or skittles or stickers. Once we start talking about how to sit (parked pockets, hands in lap, eyes on the speaker, legs criss cross, feet still) I would reward EVEY child that I "caught" sitting correctly. Do I hand out a bunch of goldfish or skittles or stickers? You bet your biffy I hand out a TON! And it works, too. This picture shows the kinds of stickers I use. The littlest ones are the easiest to hand out. The kids can keep them on their name tag or a sticker chart or on their bodies. The owl ones I would use at the end of a day or when a child makes their goal if they are on an alternative behavior plan.

This picture is of two students writing a sentence and then reading it to their partner. At the beginning of the year these boys would have gotten gold fish as I walked around check on the students. I might have even pointed out how nicely they are working together.

Now, imagine that you are sitting playing with your shoe strings  rather than writing and talking to your partner and the teacher hands the child sitting on your left a skittle, and then the child on the right. You are going to take 2 seconds to see how they are sitting and fix what ever you were doing wrong. And when you do... skittle time! And the whole while I am still teaching away. The beauty of this method is that I can teach and drop a skittle or goldfish in your hand AND keep teaching. Now part of my parent packet is a "food permission slip". It's just like it sounds. I ask parents to put a circle around the items that I can use as rewards OR as manipulative for lessons. This gives me the ability to reward good behavior instantly.

I can see you sitting there shaking your head saying yep but what about little Timmy? Well It does work for all the little Timmys, it might take longer. It might take more work than with ANY other child but it does work! I had 3 little Timmy's this year. yep you read that right 3! Timmy 1 would climb on tables and jump off. She would kick things off the table and run around the room. She was the HARDEST nut to crack. And it took extra work but she got there. Oh yea, she received behavior services for OCD, ODD, and possibly ADHD. Yep and Timmy 2 was not much better, only he was a runner! Oh joy of joys... Timmy 2 got mad and would leave. I would press the intercom button and notify the office. This happened once with his mother in the office. After that we used the code phrase "elvis has left the building".  Still we made progress but we did have to use some personal visual charts. And Timmy 3, bless him, he was just a typical 5 year old who had never been in school.

My school has grade level behavior plans and like many of you, I have to do things that are not necessarily my first choice. Here is the chart that we use. Students start on name green, then green smiling face, yellow straight face, and red frowning face. Honestly it takes A LOT to change a card during the first nine weeks. There are consequences for yellow and red but they are decided on by the kids. When we are talking about what a good student looks, sounds, and acts like. We read No David and discuss what should happen to David when he makes the choices that he made. That discussion leads to answering the question "what should happen when you make as not so good choice in our room?" I try not to guide this conversation too much, it's more about seeing where their "internal" monitors are set. That is, do the children understand cause and effect, and how can we set up a system where the kids have ownership to what happens when when change our cards to red.

So that is a bit about my management plan and how it's grown into what it is now. It took many years and lots of tweaking to get it to fit me and be something that my kids are successful using. It's a rare thing to catch one of my kids in the office.

0

looking back to move forward

I mentioned in my post about reflecting that I really wanted to take the time to think about what worked and what didn't; what supports my education beliefs and what doesn't; and think about moving in to the future.

This year I changed schools, and districts, just two weeks before school started. I am back at the school where I did part of my student teaching way back in the early 90's. The administration has changed, the school is no longer a magnet school (district did away with them a while back), and the population has shifted from 50/50. But I love it. It is home, and the level of support I have is amazing. So that said, I didn't have much time at the beginning of the year to set myself up like I have in years past. I got a lot done but there was a LOT of shove that under a shelf or cabinet and move on. I hope that as I reflect on what the future needs to look like, that much of the shelves and cabinets get cleaned out! Purge baby purge! (my hubs loves the movie the purge.... wonder what a teacher/ classroom clean out version would look like. Scary thought!)

So lets start with what worked... centers!
Yep I LOVE centers! I love creating students who become independent. No they are not perfect, yet. But this really is some of my favorite time during our day. I also LOVE writing!! And begging to be trusted so I could continue with writing first thing in the morning was the best decision I made this year. I also used a lot of what I learned about close reads. I still have some room to build but I saw where my kids grew using a complex text and discussion. Remember where I mentioned that oral language development is key to my beliefs about a classroom? Well Close Reads are where this is evident. When we discuss we get into a circle, me too, on the floor. We sit where we can see every one. We take turns and talk. We turn to our neighbor and talk, we talk across the circle, we build ideas on what someone else might have said.

Another area that seems to fall in to the "it works" category is my management system. This includes supplies and children. See the child in the picture above who has the tag with the bear? She is a table captain for the week. Her job is to get supplies for her table. We keep crayons and pencils on the table, but glue, scissors, and notebooks are kept elsewhere. Her job also includes getting papers and passing them out. I'll post more about my management this summer. I think that I have enough pictures to make it clear ;)

What didn't work?

We as humans don't like showing where we didn't succeed. But I am going to step out and share where I am going to be growing this next year. Math. Yep. Math was not what I wanted it to be. I'd been working at a school that did not have a math coach. I was able to structure math the way I wanted, and then I moved. Some days I felt like our math coach was more of a math general. I get what the goals were, but I was unsure of how to have open conversations with someone who had never seen me teach and I didn't have the relationship with to say "trust me! I am going to get them there." Also we have a text book series that really doesn't get the kids where they need to be. Not a lot of depth, so that caused issues.

I spent the year building the relationship that I needed to be able to say "um this isn't what my kids need, so I'm changing it and here is my classroom data to back me up".  Rebel much? not really, but I will fight to get my kiddos what they need, not what some curriculum map says we need. Also we are looking at changing our math time to first thing in the morning. I am really excited about that change and what it could bring to my teaching math.

With as much as I love to teach writing, this year was a disaster! Ok maybe not in anyone else eyes but in mine it was. Our writing block was at the very end of the day. I mean like 1:40-2:10 and we start dismissal at 2:15 kind of end of the day. That time wasn't horrible until you realized that we picked up from specials at 1:40 and they ALWAYS ran long or required more time than expected to get back and settled into writing. And if you are teaching the littlest of the littles you know, as well as I do,  that 5 minutes is NOT enough time to pack up to go home in an orderly fashion. Which leads me to my pet peeve and another "it didn't work" area of our day- dismissal!

UGH! Why oh why can't dismissal be orderly and quiet! For pete's sake we are GOING home! Dismissal procedure is something that I will be working on next year. And I already have some ideas on how this is going to change.

So there are the big picture pieces to my reflection. I hope to share here as I break them down and look more in-depth at each of these. Maybe I'll even take apart the day and look at each block through the lens of what worked and what didn't.

0

Reflecting....

For someone who's brain never shuts off you would think that reflection would be EASY PEASY. But it's not. Ah I said it... and the world didn't end. I am constantly thinking about school, about my students, about what should be happening next, or how to get to the next land mark. But the process of actually stopping and thinking about what is working and what was an epic fail doesn't happen much.

As soon as school ended my little fam, hubs.. the kids x2.. and MIL, packed up the pull behind camper and headed west. My oh my what 40 something hours in a car will do for you and your reflection! LOL... and no we didn't drive that much at one time. While in the car I did some light reading and some deep thinking. I've been reading Teaching with Intention by Debbie Miller and it's been eye opening!

What exactly was so earth shattering? reflection! Miller talks about how at the end of her school days she would sit down with student work and a note pad and reflect on what had happened, what needed to happen next, and what her role needed to be for each child. WOW! Really? sit down each day!?! my mind literally exploded with the idea "but I'm so tired that I can barely move!" and " there is NO way that I can do this daily, when would I clean up and get ready for the next day?". Don't worry Miller had had similar thoughts (or responses from teachers) and suggest starting with 1 or 2 days a week. Ok that sounds more do-able. Actually that sounds really good. 2 days where I set everything aside and focus that "it never shuts off brain" on my kids.

Another idea that I loved from Miller is the idea of teacher notebooks on each child. She is talking the mini type like this:

I really think I've seen them in small packs at the dollar store. Each child gets a notebook with their name on it. Then when Miller was walking around conferencing (another big goal of mine- conference more!) she would take notes, quick notes, notes that help inform instruction AND document differentiation in the classroom! We have a teacher evaluation system called PTAS that is based on Charlotte Danielson's work. My only problem with this system is the level of documentation that I am asked to keep and the number of hours that I spend doing something for an evaluation and not necessarily for my kids. I think that these mini notebooks might be a way around that! Millar also talks about using a larger notebook to document things that kids say during whole group instruction. This type of whole group documentation might be a way to make anchor charts later. I'm beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be a better way for me to document some of our deep thinking since K students aren't necessarily ready to write those thoughts our independently. Do you see what I'm thinking? I need a better way to show what my kids can do. A way to document their deep thinking. Linda Dorn, in one of her many books, talks about the progression of oral language to the ability to write about ones thinking. She basically says for a person to be able to write about their thinking they first have to  have a deep understanding of that thinking. And the #1 best way to get kids to a place of having a deep understanding is to let them talk!

I have a strong believe in oral language development being vital to reading and writing development. I believe that children who can talk about a topic can later write about that topic. This believe is rooted in my own children. My thing 2(now 13) started life with a speech issue. He was unable to correctly make sounds, his mouth just wouldn't form the sounds correctly. Our speech therapist said that we HAD to get him taking! She said that every time he asked us "why" to flip that question and say "well what do you think?" I believe that this lead to his playing with language and working through his thinking. Once he reached school, he was able to think deeply about topics and express what his thought were. He was then able to write ideas beyond "I like" when he started writing. He had had time to process language and had a better understanding of what he wanted to say, he was able to focus on the mechanics of writing. For years I stubbled with figuring out why learning to write was so easy for him and so hard for me to replicate in the classroom. I guess thing 2 was in about the 4rd grade and I was talking to his teacher and she made the comment that he was able to think so much deeper than his peers. That would have been about the time it all came together. He had spent years working on his oral language, years and years before he ever dreamed of picking up a pencil! That is the key people... oral language MUST be in place before a child is ready to write.

Another think Miller really impressed on me was this... if you believe something then you should see evidence of this in the classroom. That is if I say I believe oral language is paramount but I never give my students a chance to talk out ideas, do I really believe that oral language is important? Am I letting something over ride my personal belief? What systems can I put in place that support my belief? Miller said that she spent a long time developing her beliefs and that she worked with a group of teachers who were doing the same thing. They would spend time reading research, talking, and observing each other to see evidence of those beliefs.  So as I was reading, I got to thinking about my room. How does it show that I believe in oral language? Can someone who doesn't know my belief walk in and tell that is my belief? I am still thinking through those questions and looking for ways to make this belief more evident in what I do daily. (so thinking this might develop in to several posts).

0